COMPANIES FORCED TO RECRUIT FROM 17TH CENTURY DUE TO NEW GOVERNMENT QUOTAS

New government regulations for PLC companies have come into effect which require all firms to keep a percentage of staff of various sexualities, mentalities, ethnicities and duplicities. Some employers are having to find, create or make up different social and cultural designations just to keep up with their quotas. Others have resorted to taking on comatose patients, the clinically insane and animals for entirely cosmetic positions. This “diversity”, this attempt at “multiculturalism” is a PC attempt at perverting areas of this country which are culturally populated by honest, hard-working, honest, working white-Britons. Why force companies to employ people into positions which just aren’t meant to be? White men can’t rap, women can’t operate cameras, heterosexual men famously can’t work in show business. So why change the cultural landscape of our country’s trades?

Harker & Torson, ombudsman for jobs and fair employment, revealed that the most common phrase to hear in job interviews is “I’m gay and an Atheist. How many points do I get?”. People are getting jobs not based on the fact that they are skilled, or have the experience, because let’s face it these are office jobs which only involve pushing imaginary numbers around, but they are being employed because their kind is grossly disproportionately represented. Despicable.

At the EmployoCorr Agency in Dunfirmland, project leader Mandy is having to deal with massively increased workloads due to sheer volume of minority employees needing to be outsourced. Their temporal distortion device has been grabbing and housing people since before the laws came into effects in preparation for the sudden spike in demand. Mandy said about her job: “You know I think it’s nice to have a different type of people with different skills and social experience.”

No Mandy it’s not. IT’S NOT!

“VIDEOGAMES TURN CHILDREN INTO SHITS”, new research confirms

Television, the internet and videogames. The process of elimination told us that one of them had to be responsible for bad behaviour amongst youngsters, new research published earlier this week at the Institute of Specious Reasoning confirmed videogames’ role in the growing youth problem. Of the 1500 teenagers tested, 5 out of 10 admitted to enjoying playing the game which featured violent content. Game creators contest that fictional violence is a perfectly acceptable means toward cathartic entertainment and that beating a prostitute to death is not at all ‘wrong’, people who enjoy such graphic imagery should be strung up!

The violence does not just stay fictional as these so called ‘entertainers’ would have you believe, there have been literally several cases of teenagers admitting that videogames where wholly responsible for their crimes! Videogames’ influence can be seen in almost all youth crimes, the youths involved owning or having played or simply knowing of the existence a piece of electronic gaming is as good as a direct admission of videogames’ accountability.
“These videogames are putting almost no effort into raising our children to be decent citizens! It’s disgusting that they refuse to admit responsibility for where they’ve gone wrong, trying to blame everyone but themselves.”

Community projects to try to lower gun and youth crime have even been targeted by the foul corruption of gaming. Church communities within Manchester have been trying to help disillusioned youngsters who are stuck in gangs full of group solidarity and are confused and warped by poor values, “They join gangs with an identity, hanging round with other people like them for a sense of community and security, trying to justify their actions with what they have been told to believe. Obviously it’s very difficult to find any common ground with them.”
The clash with gaming’s influence finally occurred when the church’s building was featured in one particular game, staging a bloody battle within its walls. The rector was appalled, as the fighting didn’t portray the true views of the church.
“The church is not a place you expect to see violent imagery!”

“TERRORISM NOW 4.3 TIMES MORE LIKELY”, says spokesman

for public fear and disinformation.

We’re living in an age where our children are growing up in schools run by Al-Qaeda, even thinking the word muslim is illegal, and 100 megatonne nuclear weaponry could be delivered to our very doorstep due to the postal service’s lax protocols. Now new government revisions to the definition of likely mean that we are literally on the brink of full out war. This is in a month where we have already been told to padlock our bins as a terrorist can get inside and live in there for up to a week, which by government standards is seen as passively supporting terrorism.

Joint European and American taskforces have been tackling the problem of terrorism for almost seven years now, but it has only recently come to light that they had accidentally invaded completely the wrong countries. At the same time terrorism has been escalating with literally 1 in every 10 children having been or known or made up someone affected in some way by an act of terrorism, or at least one mentioned in the media. Parents are doing the best they can to protect their children by shuttling them around in 6 foot high bullet-proof armoured personnel carriers, although that is nothing to do with terrorism. Fear is at an all time high, we shouted ‘BOMB!’ at several people in the street and almost all of them screamed in terror.

But this is all set to change with the introduction of Personality cards, which are to be mandatory to apply for and carry. These Personality cards contain details on your expressions, opinions, political leanings and potential sympathy to certain causes, all gained access to via lengthy lie detector sessions and months of extensive background checks. This coupled with GPS tracking sensors and CCTV cameras means that any suspicious or potentially dangerous characters will be automatically tracked and monitored intensively throughout their day, leaving good hard working citizens protected.