ADVERTISING COMPANY USES UNUSUAL TACTICS TO SELL PRODUCT, world still in shock

Just sitting down to a hard earned dinner after an honest day’s work, the pre heated microwave meal simmering in its nucleated plastic container. But there, in the comfort and security of your own sofa your family’s quality time is ruined by the placement of sickeningly dishonest and atypical advertisements on the television. Their in your home, whilst in the presence of your children, you are forced to witness people engage in unfamiliar activities and practices. You are made to endure people who you have no connection in interests or lifestyle with engage in fictional and completely contrite situations to sell you new products. It’s sickening. It’s sickening that these advertisements do not cater to the vast, vast majority of normal, ordinary hardworking people and instead try to debase our television with social variations for no other reason that experimentation, modernity and a more gripping sense of interest and excitement.

The overwhelming response from viewers was felt, as literally several of you phoned in to immediately complain. After this shocking backlash from the public, we went to confront the advertising brand in question but were met only with an official press release:
“The advert in question has been suspended due to viewer requests, we trialled the advertisement in good faith based on recommendations however these recommendations later proved to be wrong. In turn we pledge that our future advertisement will be completely lacking in social variation and reform, whilst enforcing an unwavering sense of political and sociological heterodoxy and also instilling old fashioned and unchanging family models and values.”

We attempted to ask further questions about the company’s own sense of responsibility for the thousands of children who could have possibly been enriched or informed by the adverts, but they refused to allow us access to the building after they misinterpreted my honest curiosity at how their CEO Mr Baxter’s private life was going as blackmail. We can be fairly sure that their speedy decision to call the police shows that as a company they have something to hide.

TELEVISION PERSONALITY HAS QUESTIONABLE CHARACTERISTIC, speculation below

Jeff Wheaters, signed multi gold-plated musician and former teen heartthrob was spotted earlier today running from his home in a flurried panic as our fleet of journalists calmly approached him. This is following news that there has been vague unspecific talk of an indistinct happening in or near his person. Our ever vigilant reporters however were able to liberate some clues and information that Mr Wheaters had arrogantly disposed of. From the half eaten bananas and receipts for health drinks we can quite clearly see the beginnings of an eating disorder possibly brought on by the constant stress of his position in the public eye and the several allegations of homosexuality (some of which this paper may have been proxy to announce).

With Mr Wheaters taking his career to new places with his first film role, do his co-workers and producers need to be aware of this unclear worry? There are many financial backers and heaps of money riding on the film’s and his success, what would happen if some public well-trusted source revealed unverified truths about him? They say all publicity is good publicity, and in the case of Wheater’s newly acquired gay following his publicist would be inclined to agree. But if, for instance, the indistinct truth was about his embezzlement and suspect relationship with his financial backers, then it wouldn’t be surprising if his entire career was cynically and expertly demolished. That kind of information which could destroy careers, sink a film and put out of jobs the thousands of people working on it might come as shocking and worrying news to those people working on it.

Wheater’s long suffering mother, who has often been at the very centre of controversy, just pleads that the public leave her son alone and let him live his own life. Which can only make you wonder what it is that her son is doing that she’d not want the public to see.

THOUSANDS OF SCAPEGOATS ENTERING COUNTRY ILLEGALLY

It was brought to The Daily Hate Mail's attention by credible sources earlier this week that government officials are not only condoning but actively encouraging (through negligence) the illegal transit of undesirables onto our very shores. Taking subsidised luxury transport containers and gaining entry through ports, ferry terminals and manhole covers, they then continue to sponge off of society. Coming over here, taking our menial jobs for below minimum wage. Rod Spall talked to government minister for the departmental department of racism and departments earlier today.
"I think before we jump to the facts, we've got to look at the bigger picture here and ask 'Do I really want to resign over this?'" After making his statement, the minister refused to answer any of my further questions, which only shows his complicity in the matter and certainly draws suspicion on allegations that he has been having an affair with his wife.

Despite the government's lukewarm reactions over this massive disaster that does not mean that there is nothing to fear from this social pandemic, they are thought to be responsible for AIDS, the collapse of the financial market, natural disasters and the death of Diana Princess of Wales. Government spokesman for Health and science had nothing to say on the Hate Mail’s well founded concern and refused to comment, but we did happen to accidentally glance at an email which was on the minister’s screen while we were in his office which showed that not only was their growing worry among the government but also that the minister seeks help for his penile and erectile difficulties.

Amongst those most affected are the hard working, decent, honest, working, employed, working men and women, who have to shoulder the burden of looking at brown people. On the street!